Mommy's "Don't Touch Me" syndrome cramps my style

I try to be very interactive with our children, 6 months & 20 months now. But sometimes, I just need 'me' time. I'm sure you other mothers can completely understand how unattainable 'me' time can be some days! I am breastfeeding our youngest. Our oldest weaned at a year because my supply plummeted due to my being pregnant. Otherwise, I'm sure I'd still be nursing him, too. He at least gets pumped breastmilk since I'm nursing again... That's not really relevant to this blog post, that's just me ranting. :-)

But...  Because I'm breastfeeding is relevant. It's also relevant that we wear our children and pretty much have a 'touchy' relationship with our kids overall. Not in a creepy way, just in a parental kind of way. When they cry, we hug them... When the little is hungry, I feed her... When they want to snuggle, we snuggle them... especially the little because she still wants to snuggle to sleep, and sometimes she won't let me put her down to nap so I snuggle her some more. I'm okay with all that, that's the parenting choice we made. And I wouldn't change it one bit! But here's what really gets to me:

Whining!

I love parenting the way we have decided to parent the kids.... but I can't stand the whining; it's like nails on a chalkboard to me! What's even worse is when they whine and want to hug, and snuggle, and nurse, and hug, and nuzzle they're pretty little heads in momma's bossom where they feel safe and secure and by this point I'm ready to scream "DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T ANYONE COME NEAR MY CHEST! GET OFF MY CHEST! DON'T EVEN LOOK AT MY CHEST!" as I run off crying because I probably just shattered their worlds.... Now I don't do that, because that would not be healthy for me, my husband or my children. But it certainly goes through my head on occasion. Instead, I, of course, do all the hugging, nuzzling, nursing, etc that they need until I can be relieved by the first adult who walks remotely into the area. And then I quickly jump up and take five to calm myself down for the next round.

I'm sure there's a few of you behind the screen telling the computer how bad of a mom I am... Well I don't believe it. I know I'm not the only mom who's thought these things... I know I'm not the only mom who can only stand so much whining with children nuzzling her chest! And I am hoping that writing this for everyone to see will help another mama realize that she's not the only one thinking these things, too. And that's okay. It's okay to need a break and it's okay to want your body back for five minutes. It's okay! I promise you.

October Unprocessed 2011: Do you know what you've been eating?

Do you know exactly what you eat? Sure you do, you had a prepackaged noodle meal with beef on Tuesday, a bowl of cereal Wednesday and a few low-fat, light yogurts packs Thursday (obviously you ate more than that each day, just an example!). Did you know those yogurt packets have aspartame in them which can cause cancer, migraines and a lot of other issues. Have you checked the ingredient list on the cereals and prepackaged noodle meals lately? You should.. You won't want to see it, but you should! Don't even get me started on the sodium levels and everything else in these things!

Sodium alone had me wanting to go unprocessed months ago after a high blood pressure attack. With two kids under two, it's hard to cook everything unprocessed, but I'm going to try my best! Andrew Wilder from Eating Rules has challenged everyone to make October an Unprocessed month! Well, I'm up for the challenge (getting the hubby on board is another thing!).

What poor (yes, I said poor!) excuses do you have to not eat unprocessed? Here are some of mine:
1. No time!
2. No energy!
3. No help with the clean up!
4. No good kitchen experience!
5. Picky Eaters.

I'm a horrible cook, and an even worse picky eater! But I'm going to do my best to take this challenge by its horns and get my family back to eating REAL food! Say you'll join me and the rest of Eating Rules!

Visit Eating Rules for more information and tips every day during October!

Free stuff just for searching: Swagbucks stocks my library

Do you like free stuff? I love free stuff! I wanted to share with you Swagbucks (don't worry, I'm not getting any money from this post, I honestly wanted to tell you about it!). Swagbucks is a search engine that rewards you with points for searching, using their toolbar, doing surveys, taking polls and other tasks. Most of the points I earn are from using the search tool in my usual internet searching. Some days I can get 50-100 points, other days 8-10. It's completely random and sometimes they accrue rather slowly, but I generally get enough points to purchase one or two $5 Amazon gift cards every month which helps to fund my doula book obsession, I mean library!

You can use the points for other things too, such as gifts cards to Paypal, video games, clothing, dvd's, mp3's, enter 'swagstakes' and much more! For me, the best deal are the $5 Amazon gift cards since I'd be ordering from there anyways. Some say, why not just save up for the $25 card? Well, the $5 is worth 450 swagbucks... the $25 card is worth 3,150 swagbucks... At 3,150 swagbucks, you could order seven $5 cards, which is $35 instead of just $25... okay, enough math for now!

If you'd like to check out Swagbucks, follow this link.

Breastfeeding in public turns negative by offended onlookers

I have come to feel quite comfortable nursing in public after a year and a half of nursing in public. Of course, we still get looks and some people who are close to us still don't really approve of it. But it's the reactions of those close to us that makes me chuckle a bit. What some don't understand is that the bigger fuss you make about my nursing, the more people will take notice!

I could take my almost fussy baby, lift up my shirt, unhook the nursing tank and place her where she needs to be in less than a minute AND unbeknownst to most people around me.  However, when my mother (old school and not really used to breastfeeding - not sure how she isn't used to it by now!) is around, she will always still try to get me to cover up or something. Which is better than when we started out I suppose. She always tries to 'help' with the cover, grab a blanket, cover me with her own body so others can't see, she gets quite innovative some days!

This morning at church, we had a bottle for the little one just in case I was singing with the band when she got hungry. Luckily, I was with her when she became hungry so of course I just fed her myself. As I am preparing to feed her up until the point when she started to nurse, my mom went into a tizzy trying to get the words out: "Do you want her bottle?" Stumbling the whole way through the sentence as she tried to spit it out quick enough. I just smirked the whole time, giggled a little, too. After church, we went to brunch at a local diner and, of course, the little one was hungry yet again. So I didn't think twice and just fed her as it should be. Mom at this point said, "Oh I won't even bother!"

This is a common occurrence for us and my husband and I have just come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to be happy with my nursing the kid(s) in public and well that's just going to have to be fine! When the baby is hungry, the baby gets to eat (how she was meant to eat no less!). We're stuck in our ways at this point and it would take a lot to deter us!

But it really got me thinking today about how attitudes such as hers could be detrimental to a nursing relationship. We've all heard the debate about nursing in public or nursing in the bathroom... No, I wouldn't eat my salad in the bathroom so of course I wouldn't feed the little one there! I have a hard enough time placing a blanket on the bathroom floor to change her if there's no changing table! Gross! But what about these attitudes? What does that really say about breastfeeding?

Asking a woman to cover up while breastfeeding is the same as saying 

breastfeeding is too sexual of a sight to be seen in public. 

It means the act of nursing is disgusting. It means 

"Please put those away so you don't offend anyone." 

It's opinions like these that make mothers not want to breastfeed for long periods of time, or at all in some cases! How is that conducive to a healthy society? Oh wait, health doesn't matter because someone is too busy being offended!

For those of you who may be offended by seeing a mother nurse in public, let me ask you a question: How often were you 'flashed?' How much breast have you actually seen from a nursing mother? In our area, very few mothers nurse in public. And those who do do so discreetly, you see nothing besides mama's shirt and baby's head. I don't nurse in public to expose myself or to make others uncomfortable. I nurse in public because my baby is hungry. And if I don't get out of the house, I'm going to go crazy! I have a toddler at home and an infant and when we get stuck in the house, it's not pretty! But if I was unable to feed the infant out in public, we *would* be stuck at home.

So... unless you (you who is offended by nursing in public) would care to deal with a terrible two's toddler who is stuck in the house while I nurse my infant, then we can talk. And together (the four of us) can share in our misery of being stuck in the house with a terrible two toddler and an infant who could care less as long as she gets to eat when she needs and wants to eat. All because people get offended by a baby's head attached to her mother's breast, which is where it belongs IN. THE. FIRST. PLACE!

Nursing is not disgusting... It's beautiful... It's not sexual... It's natural... It's how babies were meant to be fed for at least the first two years of life and at that point it should be a matter of weaning for the baby to decide, not society! Society needs to get a grip on being offended.

Posterior tongue tie support, symptoms: Don't give up!

This post is also from our posterior tongue tie mom Erin. She recently gave us her breastfeeding and donor story. See that post here.

Gryphon suffered from a tight posterior tongue tie in which many medical professionals have a hard time diagnosing or even refuse to acknowledge exists. It is a very real issue and can definitely impact the health and well being of a mother and baby. Here is some more information on a posterior tongue tie, some signs and symptoms and links to reputable sources about PTT. All of this is complied by another local mother who also has a PTTed baby.

Posterior/submucosal tongue tie is not as easy to diagnose as a classic tongue tie. It appears there is sufficient lingual tissue. Most doctors glance at the frenulum, see that it looks "normal" and say there is nothing wrong. That is not always true. Sometimes there is still an excess of tissue, making it difficult for the tongue to operate properly.

What are the symptoms of posterior tongue tie?

• Inability to achieve latch to bare breast
• Clicking noises while sucking, more notable during bottlefeeding
• Loss of latch on breast or bottle nipple
• Loud gulping noises
• Choking on milk or gasping for air mid-feed
• Short and frequent feedings (grazing/snacking)
• Noticeably strong suck
• Decreased saliva production
• Inability to effectively remove milk
• Milk dribbling out of the mouth during feeds
• Low milk supply in mother
• Nipple pain, sometimes with blistering from friction
• The baby's tongue may feel like sandpaper and/or feel as though it is "humping" the nipple
• Flattened/misshapen nipples following feeds
• Excessive fussiness
• Reflux, especially reflux that gets worse with medication
• Anxiety at the breast
• Weight loss/few dirty diapers
• Strong preference for bottles
• Chiropractic adjustments and other muscular therapies may not "hold"
• Sounds like classic tongue tie, doesn't it? Well, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck....

Posterior tongue ties often accompany a maxillary lip tie. If your baby is having difficulty breastfeeding (or bottlefeeding) and you suspect this problem, please have him/her evaluated. It may be HARD to find a practitioner who is familiar with posterior tongue tie. DO NOT GIVE UP.

My list of complete symptoms came from here

Here is a list of well known doctors who deal with ptt:

Here are two medically reputable sources that talk about ptt:
Congenital Tongue Tie & Its Affect on Breastfeeding - American Academy of Pediatrics

Neonatal tongue-tie: myths and science - National Center for Biotechnology Information

"He's just hungry, you need to feed him correctly" A mother's journey with donor milk

I have the privilege of  introducing you to a Delaware mama named Erin during the first-ever World Milksharing Week 2011. I met her through my role in HM4HB and have watched her grow as a mother from scared and unsure to confident as she was able to meet her sons needs. I met her, her son & daughter and her husband on the Fourth of July. I'll never forget that day. Gryphon was so tiny and frail at his 8 weeks old and 8 lbs. Just the other day, I was able to see him again and he truly is thriving on donor milk! He is chunking up as he should be and seems much happier and alert! It's truly a blessing to watch! 

This is the difference human donor milk can make! The photo
on the left is three week old Gryphon, this was the tiny boy that
found his way to my front yard with his family that July 4. The
photo on the right is Gryphon three weeks later and illustrates
the profound difference Human Milk 4 Human Babies has
made and continues to make in the lives of families!

This is their story in Erin's words:

Writing this story is hard, very hard. Nothing about my son has turned out the way I imagined it to  be, and it's been a devastating blow to me emotionally, physically and mentally. I'd been hoping for a VBAC but due to medical reasons had to consent to a repeat c-section to save my life and my son's.

I was very nervous about breastfeeding because it didn't go so well with my daughter, but from the very beginning my son was a nursing champ! He had such a strong suck and he was nursing all the time, I wish I'd seen the signs then, I wish I'd known more, I wish... I just wish.

We brought our little boy home, and he was always, always, always nursing, gaining weight and looking healthy. He did gain weight slowly, but so did my daughter, so I just thought it was genetics. I wish I'd known more. The first four weeks we were home my nipples were torn up, raw and bleeding, I didn't know what was wrong I couldn't figure it out, he seemd to have a really good latch, but it just hurt and he was so fussy. I was miserable, he was miserable, he was always nursing, always hungry, never sleeping, it always hurt.

Then one day it just stopped hurting, and my nipples got better, and I figured that maybe just had just needed to grow a little. We chugged along the next three weeks, going to the pediatrician frequently for feeding issues, he was diagnosed with silent reflux and put on meds, he started getting better, he was sleeping more, nursing less and seemed much happier. I was happier, I was more relaxed. Then he turned 6 weeks old, and something seemed off, the entire week he grew increasingly fussy, his feedings became shorter and he slept more, and became lethargic, by the end of the week I noticed a huge change in my baby. His eyes and his fontanels had sunken in, he had almost no color in him and if he was awake he was crying, there was no getting around it. I called the pediatrician and told them that I needed to come THAT day, no I couldn't wait until tomorrow and if they didn't take him I was taking him to the ER.

My heart fell out of my chest when they weighed him... 8 lbs 6 oz at 7 weeks old, he was born at 7 lbs 14 oz and just ten days before he weighed 9 lbs 6 oz. I couldn't figure it out, I couldn't understand what had happened, but I knew one thing, my baby had been starving despite all this frequent feeds. I turned to his doctor expecting her to help me figure out what it was that was going on, instead she pulled my son off of my breast and stuck a bottle of formula in his mouth. "He's just hungry, you need to feed him correctly." She labled us as "feeding issues and mismanagement of feeding" and told me to start giving him formula from a bottle, that she needed to know how much he was eating and when.

I left the office in a daze, beaten down, devastated that my child had been starving at my breast and so doubtful about myself as a woman and a mother. MY BODY IS BROKEN! I can't give birth to my babies and now I can't feed them! Breastfeeding him was the only thing I had left... When we got home, I started thawing some of the breastmilk that I'd pumped the previous month I was not going to give him formula, and my conviction only got stronger when my poor son proceeded to vomit every last bit of that formula out of his tummy. The only problem was, I didn't have enough milk to supplement him the way he needed to be supplemented, and from the week of his subpar nursing (when my milk became supply and demand instead of hormonally driven) my supply was almost nothing. I was astonished, anguished and ashamed that something like this had happened and for no apparent reason.

The next day I took me and my son to the lactation consultant at the hospital and she said right away, "Well he appears to have a bit of a tongue tie you should talk to his pediatrician about that" ANSWERS! I had an answer to what had happened, and when I got home I did a whole lot of research on it and discovered that it's fixable, this can be salvaged and we can happily breastfeed once again. The next day was another weight check for him and I brought up what the LC had said about his tongue tie, she looked at him and said "Oh, no he's not. He looks fine." I was completely blown away by this. I never expected her to disagree with me. I went home and did more research, meanwhile my pumping output was horrible and my supply in the freezer was almost gone and I had a baby who was now refusing to nurse and I decided that I was going to talk to his doctor about the tongue tie again because after more research it was so blatantly apparent to ME that he had a tongue tie, and I know my son, my son wouldn't just quit nursing because he doesn't want to, if he wasn't nursing it was beceause he couldn't, not because he didn't want to.

The next week he had a 2 mos check up and I brought up the tongue tie again, I said "Look, I know  you said that he doesn't have it, but I think he does. Our symptoms match up, I mean EVERYTHING matches up, and from what I've been reading you can't base your complete diagnosis on JUST the appearance of the tongue, but you have to look at the mother baby pair, the mother's nipples (mine are flat) and their experiences." She said, "No, he doesn't have one, I think there might be something wrong in his esophagus because he's not really sucking well from the bottle either. I will give him a barium swallow test with speech so they can look at his mouth just to tell you that it's fine."  I was okay with this, because surely they would see that his mouth was NOT fine, and then I got the referral... barium w/out speech.

I had had it with her. I was done, unfortunately at this point so was my milk, so I reached out to other Mamas on facebook, and immediately that night I had 40 oz of donated frozen breast milk and the link to Human Milk 4 Human Babies. I wasted no time in posting, and was instantly rewareded with another 150 oz of donated breast milk. Through the networks I was able to find a short term "Milk Mama" for my little boy. On human milk my son thrived, and grew and became happy and healthy and gained weight, LOTS of it very fast. In three weeks he'd gone from 8 lbs 6 oz, to 11 lbs!! He has since continued to receive donor milk from Mamas all along the east coast, we've driven to get milk, we've had milk shipped to us and we've even tried wet nursing. Through HM4HB I gained a whole lot more than just breast milk, I got my son back, I gained a whole network of friends; supportive, loving and wonderful amazing women who are selfless in donating to make sure that MY son is healthy and that he is getting what I cannot provide for him. As of today, my son is 4 mos old and weighs about 14 lbs. During all this time I never stopped fighting to get him the help that he needed for his tongue and when he was 14 weeks old we were finally able to find a doctor who would clip it (after two peds, three states, four latcation consultants and a conversation with Dr. Kotlow in Albany NY). As of date he is still refusing the breast and my milk supply is close to nothing. I'm not ready to give up yet, like I said, at this point breastfeeding is the onlything I have left and I'm not ready to let it go. I have a couple of more ideas of helping him get back to breast, but it all starts with me getting my supply back up, until then though, I know I don't have to worry about where my son will get his food. HM4HB has been such a blessing in our lives and has drastically changed the quality of life for my son as well. I cannot even begin to find words to express the gratitude I feel towards the organization and especially the amazing Mamas who helped feed my son.

With much love and gratitude, Erin Forte and baby Gryphon (pronounced Griffin)

More About Posterior Tongue Tie:
Posterior tongue tie support, symptoms: Don't give up!

Just One Bottle can take more of a toll on breastfeeding than many think

I've heard this advice and seen the ramifications one too many times! It starts out with a nervous, but dedicated mother who only wants the best for her child. She spent some 38-42 weeks (typically speaking) growing this child inside of her, maybe even longer actually thinking and praying for this child while she tried to conceive. During that time, the mother drastically changed her own habits to support, care and love this child. Perhaps she started eating healthier, stopped drinking/smoking/etc... so much, maybe she started to go for daily walks. Then she has to make one of the first decisions for her baby: Breast or Bottle?

Whether this is a no-brainer or weeks worth of back and forth, most mothers start their baby's life by doing the best thing for them: breastfeeding. After all, mom just spent all that time doing what's best for this child inside of her, why stop now? Then it hits her... this is hard work! This parenting thing? Not so easy! So what if I just let grandma give baby Just One Bottle? Or maybe grandma, dad or nurses are pushing the mom to give Just One Bottle for one reason or another. "You just had a baby last week, go out with your friends. You deserve it, we'll sit with the baby." Regardless of the circumstances, breastmilk straight from the tap (the breast) really is the best and any other feeding method is merely a substitute.

But why is Just One Bottle really a bad thing in the early days and weeks of breastfeeding? We're not discussing the science behind breastmilk vs. formula, nor are we discussing the virgin-ness of the newborn gut. Those things are very important to take into consideration when asked to give Just One Bottle. But here, we're discussing the breastfeeding relationship between baby and mother.

1. Laziness vs. Nipple Confusion
   Contrary to popular belief, babies don't often get 'nipple confusion' as easily as one may think. What actually happens is more of a laziness issue. It takes a bit of work on the newborns part to breastfeed (that's a good thing!).  In order for baby to get milk out of the breast, he or she must suckle for some time to stimulate the milk glands to get the milk flowing. A bottle, however, doesn't have those glands, it has nothing that needs to be worked besides the teat, or artificial nipple. So when a newborn goes from having to work at the breast at one feeding to getting milk on the first suckle at the next feeding, which do you think the baby will prefer? 
2. Drop in Milk Supply
   It has been documented that when a mother doesn't feed her baby at least every 4-5 hours, her supply will begin to lower. While a gesture from the father to allow the mama to sleep in one morning by giving a bottle instead of offering the breast may be nice in theory, it could be doing more harm than good! Supply fluctuates from time to time, but anything we can do to keep our supply stable is a plus and anything negating that is just, well, negative. The best thing dad can do for sleepy mom is to hop out of bed, change baby, give baby a bath if needed along with anything else baby may need (besides feeding) and support mom in breastfeeding baby when baby is hungry. Maybe she could go back to sleep after the feeding while daddy & baby play!
   
   For those who want a little more in depth information on the drop in milk supply from a missed feeding (bottle feeding instead):Once mama feeds her baby or pumps milk, the hormone which stimulates the making of breastmilk (called prolactin) is produced for the first three hours. After four hours, the Prolactin Inhibiting Factor, a..k.a. prolactostatin, takes over and begins to inhibit milk production, causing a drop in supply as the body doesn't think it needs to produce as much milk as usual. Often times, a woman's menstrual cycle will return quicker by going longer than those 4-5 hour periods between feedings (and pumpings) which only serves to lessen the supply more during her cycle.
3. Well, I've already given him one, another won't hurt!
   Then another, and another, and another... Do you see where I'm going with this? Yes, there are true emergencies when mom can't be around to nurse, and women will use a bottle (with formula or pumped milk) once and that's it! But a lot of women, once they use a bottle, they see no harm in using it more. Keep in mind that each bottle feed is replacing a feeding at the breast, which can in turn cause a lazy baby and low milk supply. (See above) It's really quite the vicious cycle.

 Use of a bottle really should only be introduced after milk production is stable and baby is used to nursing at the breast. This could take months, so be prepared.